dancing with myself
I didn’t really want to go anywhere that Friday night. I wanted to put on my pajamas and curl up on the couch with David… Read More »dancing with myself
pain
throwing rocks
A week ago I lay flat on the floor. My back had gone out and my chiropractor appointment was several hours away. What did I… Read More »throwing rocks
autumn anxiety
I walk through the dizzying array of autumn splendor and I feel a lump in my throat. It’s a small fist of anxiety, stubbornly wedged… Read More »autumn anxiety
after the slog
This is depression: walking the dog down beautiful paths where delight once thrummed through your veins, but feeling an ache in your throat instead. The… Read More »after the slog
six months after my last post
Blogging joined the ranks of other purposeful pleasures: swimming, practicing guitar, cross-stitching, braiding my hair. I stopped doing it for long enough that although I… Read More »six months after my last post
the storyless season
At midday Saturday the sun shone full into the kitchen window. I almost wished that I hadn’t done the dishes already, but that’s a silly thing… Read More »the storyless season
adventures in uselessness
Today I listen to Yo-Yo Ma play Bach’s cello suites and I dance around the kitchen. I have lived most of my hours aiming to… Read More »adventures in uselessness
Bigfoot and the Woman
In the dream, Bigfoot is skulking through a cave, and the Woman is trying to stop him from getting out. She is old and clever… Read More »Bigfoot and the Woman
clouds and wind
Today the sky is an apt metaphor. There is plenty of light to see, but clouds have covered over the blue. I look up and… Read More »clouds and wind
Monday morning prayer
Gracious God, please tell me again that I do not have to be Great. Tell me that breathing my way through the day is a… Read More »Monday morning prayer
life is a spell so exquisite, everything conspires to break it.
In honor of Martin Luther King Jr., here is a letter I wrote to myself in the fall. _________ 22 October 2015 dear Hannah, Please remember… Read More »life is a spell so exquisite, everything conspires to break it.
to be of service
On a whim, I joined Olivia at Rockport Unitarian’s service on Sunday. I had no idea the beauty in store. I’d already been thinking about… Read More »to be of service
sublime chess game
For the third morning I wake very early. The silence of Rowley is thick and soft as a blanket. Today I do not even try… Read More »sublime chess game
a good death
Let me tell you how Gus the cat died. I promise later I will tell you how he lived. Our fifteen-year-old cat had been losing… Read More »a good death
thank you, Tony Hoagland
I am standing in the doorway when I read Tony Hoagland’s poem. David and our niece and nephew are playing with toy cars and trucks and planes,… Read More »thank you, Tony Hoagland
the kindness of Kim
The day I heard of Kim’s passing, I rode my bike to the beach and let the wind chill the tears on my cheeks. The… Read More »the kindness of Kim
window
The blue jay spread wide his wings and restored me to myself. The spare room is too cold for yoga, and the cat had spent the night… Read More »window
back-to-transformation
September turns my heart to school. Not just the school where I teach now, but all the schools I’ve taught in and all the schools… Read More »back-to-transformation
first year
One year ago, on a warm July morning, I woke up incredibly early to walk the beach. A few hours later I arrived in Rowley, Massachusetts, where… Read More »first year
fruition
Sometimes events you’ve been waiting for happen all at once. Thursday, May 15th was a day of great fruition. Early in the morning I… Read More »fruition
after the burning
Here’s the guest post I wrote for my friend Catherine’s blog: some of the gifts of this challenging year in Wichita. http://catherineannehawkins.com/hannahs-in-between-guest-post/ Special thanks to… Read More »after the burning
walk, linger, love
Vespa came to me in my dreams last night, wanting a walk. She wagged her tail and moaned her emphatic morning song, and off we… Read More »walk, linger, love
wedding dresses and windows
When you find your wedding dress, you want to feel beautiful. You want Yes to bubble up from the depths of your being. You want to… Read More »wedding dresses and windows
space for sadness
Before I tell you about the gift I gave Laura, I should tell you about the gifts Laura gave me. A hug each time I… Read More »space for sadness
conditions for joy
High time I fess up: my plan for the year failed. I came here with the dream of investing time in my writing: submitting essays,… Read More »conditions for joy
2013 Thanksgiving newsletter
It’s the second morning of December. True to form, I started a Thanksgiving newsletter before Thanksgiving but didn’t finish it in time. I’ve cherished grand… Read More »2013 Thanksgiving newsletter
tree roots and laundry
My friend Ralph Eckhardt sent this picture the other day. He wrote, “I had just been thinking about your latest Breathe Deep and praying for… Read More »tree roots and laundry
Wichitastic
It’s a rainy morning in Wichita. Most of the colored leaves in the courtyard below our apartment still cling to their branches. The flags whip… Read More »Wichitastic
groundlessness and tea
Waking up in the morning feels like the hardest thing I’ve ever done; maybe the hardest thing anybody has ever done. I might always feel… Read More »groundlessness and tea
skinned knees, fresh cantaloupe, Basic Principles
I haven’t skinned my knee in years, so when I stumbled over the extra-high curb at Mark and Cheryl’s three weeks ago, I knew it… Read More »skinned knees, fresh cantaloupe, Basic Principles
Wow! A secret message from your teeth!
A thousand years ago*, in the month of June, Mom came up for my bridal shower. The night she arrived, we sat on my bed… Read More »Wow! A secret message from your teeth!
the Sun and the shower
I woke early Sunday morning, wearied by the ludicrous night visions only a bride-to-be must endure. A shower rinsed off the outermost layer of fretfulness.… Read More »the Sun and the shower
something to bury
Tuesday morning I found a dead field mouse. It was in the shed where I keep my bike. My breath caught on the sharp edge… Read More »something to bury
the Monday after
Last Monday morning I planned to write about Vespa the dog. While my friends the Worsfolds take their customary April trip, I inhabit their home… Read More »the Monday after
in praise of all things sweet
Blessed be the first bite of birthday cake. Hallowed be that moment, long before the gears of memory began to turn, when I learned that… Read More »in praise of all things sweet
how do you solve a problem like yourself?
When I signed on to play Maria in The Sound of Music, the decision was a no-brainer. The iconic musical has been dear to my… Read More »how do you solve a problem like yourself?
turning toward the light
I’ve never felt happier to sweep the floor. I’ve put it off for weeks and weeks. Shiny hardwood keeps secrets better than most surfaces, and… Read More »turning toward the light
the definition of darkness
My hips slide out of place for the second week in a row. “It’s been very mild both these times,” says my chiropractor after I… Read More »the definition of darkness
if this isn’t nice, i don’t know what is
Lately my heart has felt near to splitting its seams. It’s partly because this is my first Christmas far from my family. It’s also the… Read More »if this isn’t nice, i don’t know what is
the blog entry I planned to write
The blog entry I planned to write today was about my lost earring, the silver flying pig earring that disappeared while we were in Pennsylvania… Read More »the blog entry I planned to write
in pain’s classroom
The month of November was shrouded in misery. Did teaching feel impossible because I was sick all month or was I sick all month because… Read More »in pain’s classroom