just so

Ben, Joy, Ally and Jack will be here in less than three hours, but I’m sitting down in my untidy bedroom to write a blog entry. Uncompleted tasks sun themselves on the desk.

In the living room the fan hums loudly, drying the last of the laundry.

I’ve barely begun the paper crane mobile.

How many blog entries have I been crafting in my mind over the past weeks? How many times will I put off writing because it takes so long to complete an entry to my satisfaction?

I like things just so. The words I write. The way I organize my home. The desk. The paper crane mobile.

I worked hours yesterday and hours this morning at just so. Cleaning, tweaking, decorating. Relocating the popcorn maker. Again.

Come to think of it, I’ve been working at just so since the day we moved in. I love working at just so.

Except when I loathe it.

Sometimes I get tired. Sometimes my energy is strewn about the apartment and no longer within me. Gus can tell. Some might scoff at the notion of a reproachful cat, but just look at those eyes.

Gus doesn’t care where I keep the popcorn maker. He follows me around because he wants to be with me.

Since I can’t stand disappointing the cat any longer, I put just so on hold. Our family isn’t going to walk through the door and say, “What a perfectly placed bowl! My, my, I don’t see a speck of dust on that counter!”

Ben, Joy, Ally and Jack will feel the way Gus does about popcorn makers and paper crane mobiles. They’re coming because they want to be with us.

I vacuum the far corner of the bedroom. I push my writing chair back in place. I pour a cup of tea and set a thin square of chocolate in a small bowl. A flock of starlings soars past the window. The clouds and the sun reflect off the surface of the tea.

Gus awaits.

We sit together and I open my computer. I don’t write the blog entries I’ve been crafting in my mind. I write something short and simple. It’s just enough time for my energy to come meandering back from the far reaches of a small apartment. Just enough time to set my heart at ease.

Gus is appeased. Now we both can get back to more pressing matters.